


Peanut Butter

by Bandity



Series: Senses [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ageusia, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Gen, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, It's me so someone is going to puke, Vomit, hematemesis, mention of weight loss, quarantine situation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23154715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandity/pseuds/Bandity
Summary: Pidge was smart, perceptive, small, passionate and Pidge didn't get sick.They'd all spent time in the pods, but Pidge had not. They'd all managed to sprain something during a particularly rough training session, but Pidge was fine. They all remarked on it, her ability to just be okay.No matter what.
Series: Senses [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/947106
Comments: 111
Kudos: 115





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had time to write because my school is moving online and my hours got cut at work. Welcome to the quarantine fic. Funny that I wrote about Pidge being quarantined months ago and now we are all experiencing this. Anyway, I'm happy to present the next part of the senses series. Enjoy, please excuse mistakes.

Even when they'd all caught some form of space flu early on, Pidge had remained perfectly healthy.

Keith had locked himself away in his room, Lance had become clingy, Hunk had nearly passed out in the kitchen after spending hours trying to make chicken soup, Allura slept for about three days straight and Shiro hadn't been able to breathe properly and almost suffocated himself when he passed out face down into a squishy pillow.

He'd also thrown up way more than everyone else.

But Pidge, Pidge felt fine. She kept on working on her projects, she helped Coran sterilize the castleship and she helped administer medicine to the inflicted.

Ever since then it had become something of a Pidge attribute. Pidge was smart, perceptive, small, passionate and Pidge didn't get sick.

They'd all spent time in the pods, but Pidge had not. They'd all managed to sprain something during a particularly rough training session, but Pidge was fine.

They all remarked on it, her ability to just be okay. No matter what.

So the first time she rolled her ankle, she stood on it and she laughed and went back to her room where she wrapped it herself and didn't say anything to anyone.

She stared up at her ceiling and told herself she was being stupid. But no matter how illogical it was, she couldn't bring herself to admit she was hurt.

She would have to hide it. She would stay away from everyone for a few days. As long as there wasn't a Galra attack, she could do it.

Her plan worked perfectly. She was careful not to wince or limp and nobody asked if she was okay.

Because she was Pidge and she was fine.

Always fine.

* * *

Lance entered the kitchen with a dramatic sigh before stretching himself out on the floor beside one of the counters.

"What's wrong?" Hunk asked with a slight grin. Without stopping his whisking, he maneuvered around Lance to get to the other side of the counter. If Lance was being over dramatic then it wasn't anything too serious.

"Nothing," Lance responded, throwing an arm over his eyes.

"Did Allura scold you for something?"

"No." Lance crossed his arms, pouting.

"Your back hurt?" Because Lance had taken a fall on a mission recently and, while he didn't need the pod, it had still hurt him.

Lance shook his head.

"You bored?" Hunk slowly began pouring his batter into a prepared pan.

"Yeah..."

"Did you bug Pidge before you came here?"

"Yes!" Lance flung his arms out in exasperation.

"She said she wanted to work alone, man. She needed space. Did she yell at you?"

"Yeah."

Hunk caught the flicker of something serious in Lance's tone.

"She said to leave her alone."

"I know, but…" Lance leaned back against the counter. He picked at his fingernails and mumbled under his breath.

"What?" Hunk leaned down slightly, trying to catch what his friend was mumbling about.

"It looked like she'd been crying."

"Ah," Hunk straightened a spoon on his counter, fussing needlessly. "Well, not everyone wants to be around others when they feel down."

Lance crossed his arms once more.

"Nobody wants to cry alone, Hunk."

"Lance," Hunk picked up his bowl again. "Just give her some time. She knows she can talk to one of us if she needs to."

Lance huffed out a breath, looking unconvinced. Hunk sighed.

"Wanna taste test?" He held his spoon aloft.

Lance hummed and was up on his feet in an instant. "Of course."

Hunk continued his meal prep, including feedback from Lance as he worked. It was companionable and distracting. Hunk made a mental note to bring food to Pidge later before he lost himself in his work once more.

* * *

Shiro had wanted to start training early, work on hand to hand since a few of them were, admitingly, struggling with it. Hunk particularly "needed improvement." Hunk could take out just about anyone, he was more than strong enough, but it was always in the heat of the moment. All reaction and protective instincts. In actual hand to hand training, Hunk was unsure.

"Move your foot."

"My right foot?"

"Left. You want to have a steady base."

"Okay, but I don't think I'm going to remember that in a fight."

"With practice, you'll learn."

"You got this, Hunk!" Lance shouted encouragingly.

"Thanks!" Hunk shouted with a wave of his hand, distracted from his task of training with Shiro.

Keith and Lance were spectators, banned from sparring each other for at least a phoeb after their last match had ended in a badly twisted ankle and quite a few tears, though Lance still denied the crying.

Shiro had just begun moving slowly into a strike when the doors slid open and Pidge came walking through.

She was out of breath, her hair was mussed and her eyes were red again.

Lance waved a casual greeting as she muttered an excuse about being late.

"Pidge, you're with Keith!" Shiro called. Pidge nodded and moved to the side, creating more space between her and Lance.

She moved into a defensive stance. It was something they all knew how to do. Lance watched her for a moment before shifting his attention back to Hunk and, even though Hunk had his back to him, Lance was hoping his friend would look over; that he would sense Lance was trying to make meaningful eye contact here. Because, surely, it wasn't only Lance that had noticed how Pidge looked.

Hunk didn't look over.

Lance sighed. He was pretty sure Pidge had been avoiding him. They hadn't talked in a few days. He was trying to give her space, but she still looked like something was wrong.

Lance picked up harsh whispers going on behind him. That was weird. Keith and Pidge didn’t argue much.

There was a long silence, a rustle, the tapping of steps, the unmistakable sound of a body hitting the floor...

Lance snapped his head around, because that had been fast. And if Pidge had managed to drop Keith that quick, he needed to know how-

Pidge was on the ground.

Keith was staring, his eyes wide and mouth open, gaping.

Pidge didn’t get up.

"Keith!" Lance stormed over. "What did you do?"

It was a reaction. And not one he thought would escalate. He shoved Keith, away from Pidge's still form.

Keith pushed back. Wordlessly, easily, he shoved Lance away.

Lance was pushing again and he realized it was a bad idea when Keith grit his teeth and cocked his fist back.

"No. No. Not now." Shiro removed Lance from the equation, picking him up and turning away. He shook his head slightly at Keith and the fight went out of him immediately, rational thought catching up to reactions and instinct.

"She's got a fever." Keith mumbled with a quick gesture to Pidge. "She's really sick."

Lance stopped struggling against Shiro's arm. His protectiveness and anger boiling down to embarrassment and concern now.

Keith hadn't hurt Pidge, she had collapsed.

"I won't do anything, let me go." Lance tapped at Shiro's metal wrist and was immediately released. As soon as he was sure both boys weren't going to attack each other, Shiro knelt down by Pidge's side. He placed a hand on her forehead, feeling the heat there.

"Keith, go find Coran. Tell him to meet us in the infirmary."

Keith went without a word.

Shiro took Pidge's pulse and gently shook her shoulder, but she didn't wake up. Lance was squeezing her hand and he didn't even remember when he had decided to do that.

Shiro gently brushed him away, an apology on his lips and then he carefully, carefully picked Pidge up. Sheltered in Shiro's arms, Lance realized how small she really was. Small and young and breathing irregularly.

"Is she dying?" Lance heard himself whisper.

"Lance!" Hunk sounded horrified.

"No." Shiro's answer was definite, leaving no room for disagreement. But Lance saw the way he carried her, as though she was delicate and breakable and might slip away from him.

It all seemed so wrong.

* * *

Pidge was put in quarantine.

Only Coran was allowed contact with her because he'd had this illness when he was young.

Rilamon stins, which Lance said sounded like the name of a rude houseguest, was common and mostly harmless if caught early.

They had not caught it early.

She had been sick for days and the only reason it hadn't spread to the others was because Pidge had secluded herself and nobody had been close to her in over a week.

"I wish I was sick," Lance said one night.

"Why?" Hunk was stirring a pot of soup. He was cooking late into the night, a sign that he was upset.

"If I was sick it would mean I checked up on her better. I should have tried to talk to her more."

"Lance, you know how she is. She would have still pushed you away." Hunk tilted his head to the side. "And nothing good would come from you being sick too."

"I know. It's just- we should have noticed."

"Yeah," Hunk agreed with a frown. He wasn't happy with the situation either. He had never followed up checking on Pidge, he was a bad friend. "We have to just be more careful from here on out."

Hunk was trying to be optimistic. He couldn't do anything about what they had done, or, rather hadn't done. They just had to try and be better.

"I've gotten pretty close to my mom's chicken soup recipe here. It always made me feel better when I was sick."

Lance nodded. "I'm sure she'll like it, Hunk."

Hunk smiled and turned the heat off the stove. "Thanks, Lance."

Now he just needed to have Coran deliver the soup whenever Pidge was feeling up to eating again.

"Hope she feels better soon," Lance mumbled. Hunk smiled. He needed to be optimistic. And Pidge not getting well just couldn't be an option.

"I'm sure she will."

* * *

The first thing Pidge noticed was that her mouth felt like it had been stuffed full of cotton. It was so dry and as she tried to unstick her tongue from the roof of her mouth, a sharp pain jolted through her. Her mouth hurt and her face hurt and everything else did too.

Did someone beat her up?

It felt like when she was in the first grade and Mia Thompson shoved her off of the ladder to the slide and she fell face first into the sand. Matt was so mad.

He made Mia cry because he called her something…

_What was it?_

Pidge forced her eyes open. She blinked, bringing her surroundings into focus.

The castle infirmary.

She had a vague memory of training, Keith had been talking to her. Telling her she didn't look good.

That had sucked. She had been so careful to act like nothing was wrong, but Keith had seen through it. She was disappointed that she hadn't been able to keep it together and then, what? Had she fainted? That was embarrassing.

Though, as she woke up, her embarrassment was replaced with how awful she felt; it was like the room was swirling around. She felt like she was sweating a lot too.

Maybe trying to pretend everything was fine wasn't the best course. Pidge glanced around, deciding she would maybe like to not be alone now. However, nobody was there.

She squashed down the disappointed feeling that sprung up.

_Grow up._

Everyone was probably busy and she hadn't wanted everyone to treat her like a little kid anyway. It was better that they weren't there to see how miserable she was.

She had wanted them to leave her alone.

_I want mom, dad, Matt..._

Stupid, stupid scattered thoughts.

Pidge shut her eyes and turned her face into the thin pillow. She would just go back to sleep. Just go to sleep and not think anymore.

* * *

Coran bustled into the infirmary, chicken soup from Hunk in his hand. He set the container down on the side table, Pidge wouldn't be able to eat it, but Coran hadn't wanted to disappoint Hunk. He was on his way to the computer when he realized something was different.

Pidge had moved.

It didn't seem surprising under normal circumstances, but while the illness had run its course, the smallest member of the team had stayed incredibly still. She had been curled up on her right side for several days, but now she had tossed her blanket halfway to the floor and rolled onto her other side. Even in sleep, one hand clenched the pillow tightly in her fist. Coran saw the way the light caught her face and realized the shimmering streak near her eye was the slow dripping of tears, leaking out from underneath damp eyelashes.

"Are you awake, little one?" Coran whispered. She did not stir.

"A bad dream perhaps?" Coran tucked the blanket back around her small form. "It will be alright. You're going to be fine." Coran gently patted her shoulder and then moved away to the computer.

Time went on and Coran was sure to keep an eye on his young charge. Pidge didn’t move again for the rest of the day.

* * *

"Coran says Pidge can get out of quarantine today!" Lance shouted as he burst into Hunk's work area.

Hunk laughed. "I know. He said at dinner last night."

"We're having a party right? You're going to make something special for her, right?"

"Ah, that's kind of hard." Hunk absently shifted one of his tools back in place. "Pidge is picky."

"Peanut butter!" Lance slapped his hand down on the work table, sending a bolt rolling off the edge. "Sorry- Do we have peanut butter?"

"No-"

"Can you make some?"

"I- maybe?"

"Yes, I know you can do it. It'll be great." Lance clapped his friend on the shoulder.

Hunk laughed, but he felt his mind drift off. He had tried to make peanut butter early on, but it hadn't ended well. It had tasted like burnt egg nog. But Lance was looking at him with such confidence...

He would just have to try again.

* * *

They had nearly squashed Pidge when she stepped out of quarantine. Their exuberant group hug collapsed on one side when Lance leaned a little too far to the right. Keith would have escaped the fallout if Pidge hadn’t grabbed a hold of his arm in an attempt to save herself.

Shiro managed to slip out before the inevitable tumble to the floor. He was fast and knew when a situation was going pear shaped. Pidge covered up a wince with a laugh and a loud complaint about Lance elbowing her in the stomach.

Coran ended up being the one to push the pile of paladins off of her.

"Easy! She's still going to be sore."

The boys scrambled away, looking sheepish and worried. She hated that. After spending so much time maintaining her image of enduring strength, she got knocked down by some stupid space strep or whatever.

"I'm okay!" She insisted, but her voice didn't sound nearly as strong as she meant it to. She made a face as she realized her mouth felt like it was coated with mucus. Maybe it was. Being sick was gross.

She quickly took the water pouch Coran offered her and was relieved when it didn't have that metallic taste that their rations sometimes got.

"Hunk cooked!" Lance exclaimed. "I helped."

"Did you help or did he just tell you to stir one thing?" Pidge smirked.

Lance opened his mouth to argue, but then furrowed his brow.

"Lance helped," Hunk said with a smile and it made Pidge grin wide. She had missed them.

"Yeah, I was very helpful." Lance crossed his arms. "Do you want awesome food or not?"

"Awesome food," Pidge decided. They pulled her to her feet and she laughed, covering up the way her head swam.

She was fine.

* * *

There were several plates set in front of her and she was surprised to see the sandwiches closest to her.

"Hunk, did you make peanut butter and jelly?"

Hunk beamed. "Yeah, the texture might be a little off, but I finally found something that tastes enough like peanut butter."

Hunk went on and Pidge picked a sandwich from the stack. She hesitated, knowing Hunk was watching for her reaction. She didn't really like the scrutiny, but she knew that's just the way Hunk was.

She took a large bite and began to chew enthusiastically. The first thing she noticed was that the "peanut butter" wasn't the right texture at all.

Actually, the list of things she noticed ended there.

Because that was it.

Grainy slop was sitting on her tongue mixing with bread that was too hard. She tried to move the food back, towards her pharynx, but it stuck and all she could think of was sludge sitting on her tongue.

The gag was an accident.

Hunk looked mortified.

"Is she going to puke?" Lance was too loud next to her and she wanted to protest, but her mouth was filling with saliva and the food was mush, pressing into the roof of her mouth.

"Lance, move." Keith stretched himself across the table. He tipped over a bowl, emptying it of some alien fruit and then shoved the bowl under Pidge's chin.

She didn't throw up. She just spit everything out all at once. Lance had started to make some comment, but the words got stuck when Pidge gagged hard. She clamped her mouth shut and shook her head against the nausea.

“You’re okay,” Keith murmured. She didn’t know Keith could sound so concerned about someone else. Well, someone who wasn’t Shiro. She didn’t really like it. She was fine.

Always fine.

Shiro was at her shoulder and he was speaking quietly over her head, exchanging words with Coran. She suddenly recalled eating too much cake at Matt’s 10th birthday party and throwing it all up right before bed time. Her dad had been worried. Matt complained that she had puked on his slipper.

“Pidge?”

What a stupid thing to think about.

“Pidge, can you hear me?”

Pidge shook her head. She swallowed, breathed carefully through her nose before she tried to answer.

“I can hear.” She meant to sound more indignant, but it came out softly. She scrubbed a hand across her eyes, upsetting the glasses that sat perched on her nose. When she looked up, she realized the bowl had been put to the side, but Keith remained awkwardly leaned across the table. His elbow had upturned a bowl of vegetables, but he didn’t seem to notice the bit of space carrot sticking to his jacket. He was staring at her intensely. The way he sometimes stared at Shiro when the man was in danger.

“You’re okay,” he said again.

Ah.

He was worried about her.

Without her even being aware of it, Keith and her had become friends over the past few months.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

Keith finally leaned back, his bright gaze gone, leaving her with the rest of the team who were all in varying stages of planning or panic.

It was chaotic and suddenly she felt that her head hurt and she didn't know what was going on. They were saying her name, asking what was happening. Shiro put a hand on her shoulder and spoke softly in her ear.

"Katie."

Mortified, she realized her eyes were beginning to sting.

"How about we go the infirmary?" Coran's voice sounded from above her. She stood quickly, sending her plate clattering further across the table. Without looking up at any of them, she let Shiro and Coran lead her out of the room.

The doors to the dining room shut behind her, cutting Hunk's apology short.

She should probably say something soon, something to put their minds at ease...

"Something is wrong with me." Not that.

"We'll talk about it in the infirmary." Coran patted her shoulder.

She shrugged him away without wanting to.

* * *

Side effects were only common if Rilamon stins was caught late.

Pidge didn't know why Coran kept saying that. Everyone knew they hadn't caught this early.

She had been feeling sick for so long that she couldn't even tell them when it had started. And now Coran was asking her so many questions about how she felt, what hurt, did she feel sick…

No, no, no.

"I just couldn't taste anything and it was like… it was like sludge. The texture, I mean. I don't like some textures. And since it didn't taste like anything, I just, I just gagged. I don't still feel sick."

"You couldn't taste anything?" Shiro repeated slowly. He shot a glance at Coran, worry furrowing his brow before it was quickly smoothed away.

"That's not a side effect I've heard of…" Coran tapped his chin and hummed. "But you are the first human to have Stins. Perhaps it has altered your sense of taste. I can run a few scans."

Coran started bustling around, explaining what he was doing. Pidge was startled by how familiar it felt. She didn't remember a lot of her time being sick, but Coran's continuous voice was a relief to her. A reminder that she wasn't actually alone.

Shiro set a hand on her elbow.

"Are you really feeling okay?"

"Yeah."

"I was worried about you."

"You don't need to worry about me, Shiro."

Shiro smiled. She knew he would worry anyway. _That's the way he is._

_Matt is the same way._

Pidge sighed. She really needed to get back to work. She hated the way her mind wandered when she wasn't actively doing something.

Shiro must have sensed something off because he squeezed her hand.

"I'm fine," she whispered immediately.

Always fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment and we can have a little chat.
> 
> I almost deleted this chapter by accident. Whoops. Time to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My work closed down, so... more time to write I guess. Please excuse mistakes. I didn't read it through very carefully and I'm just super exhausted now.

Pidge couldn't taste a single thing. Very quickly, everything became about textures. The biggest challenges were finding the right texture and then finding a way to get her to stop working and eat something.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t hungry, but she always had a bad habit of forgetting to eat anyway. The no taste thing just took away any inclination she had to stop what she was doing and actually eat.

She had apologized to Hunk for gagging over his peanut butter. He accepted the apology, but now he seemed hell bent on seeing if she could taste any flavor combination.

"There’s gotta be something in the whole galaxy that will trigger your taste buds,” he insisted.

That hadn't sounded right to Pidge, but none of them knew enough about space illness side effects and human anatomy to dispute it. Coran didn't have answers for her complete lack of taste, though he swore he would continue researching.

She found it hard to care. Or rather she cared, but there were so many other things to worry about. Updates and fighting and finding her family. Eating food was just low on her list. Without the ability to taste, it was either nausea inducing or tedious. She knew she was slowly driving Hunk crazy and Shiro kept eyeing her with this horrible, worried look.

"You've lost weight," Shiro stated after one of their training sessions. Then everyone was looking at her. Because Pidge hadn’t really had the weight to lose in the first place.

"I'm okay," she insisted, hoping Shiro would drop it, but the damage had been done. Hunk doubled his efforts to find food she would like. Keith kept staring at her from the corner of his eye and Shiro bugged her constantly about what she had been eating. And Lance… after several days, Lance turned out to have a different view of it.

"Pidge! Pidge!" Lance burst into her work area, shouting and carrying a bowl above his head. The bowl was slammed onto her table with a complete disregard for her newest project. Small orange seed pods went spilling onto her desk.

"Lance!" Pidge started to push the bowl away.

"No wait, eat one of these!"

Pidge stared. Blinked. "No."

"I dare you, I dare you, eat one." Lance was leaning forward, his excitement barely contained.

Pidge sighed. She didn’t get it, but if it got him to leave…

She plucked a pod from the bowl and popped it into her mouth. With no hesitation she crunched the thing between her teeth.

Cool. Crunchy. A little stringy, not a fan of that feeling, like she had strings in between her teeth. Like that time Matt had tied a string around one of her loose baby teeth in an attempt to pull it out, but he tied the string to the wrong tooth.

There had been a lot of blood after that one.

"Well, what do you think?" Lance was staring so closely. She shrugged.

"It's fine, I guess."

Lance's eyes went wide and a grin spread across his face.

"They're like space peppers. They're really spicy."

Pidge thought about it, actually, it did seem like her lips were tingling. They were probably _really_ spicy.

"Pidge. Pidge, do you know what this means?" Lance was waving his hands too close to her face.

"No…"

"You can eat anything. It's like a super power, Pidge."

Pidge blinked. She hadn’t thought of it as a good thing or even an interesting thing.

"Let's see what else you can eat!" Lance was almost hopping in place as he picked up the bowl.

She huffed out a laugh.

_What a dork._

"You can probably drink that nunvill stuff like nothing, can we try? Let's try it." Lance turned, already hurrying from the room.

"Yeah, alright." Pidge followed him out, laughing as Lance let out a shout of victory and spilled space peppers everywhere.

She always did like a good experiment.

* * *

Pidge could, in fact, drink nunvill. Nunvill and all the alien foods that they had deemed as awful tasting.

They soon had a mission to find the grossest thing on the ship and then eat it.

It was simple. Juvenile. And completely hilarious. Especially since Lance would try to eat whatever gross food they found too. She thought it would get old, watching Lance try to choke down some fizzy yogurt thing for the fifth time. But somehow, it didn't. Especially when Pidge would put whatever disgusting thing they had discovered in her mouth and swallow it down with no problem.

"I dare you, okay, I dare you." Lance was choking on giggles and alien shrimps now. He tossed one to Pidge across the counter and she ducked to catch it in her mouth.

Crunch, crunch, swallow.

She raised her arms in victory.

"That's so gross. Oh my god. This one next, this one next!"

That's how Hunk found them. He was appalled at first. But, after a few more demonstrations, he soon came around.

"Okay, try this and this at the same time,” Hunk pressed two oddly shaped fruits into her hands.

Open mouth, crunch, crunch, swallow.

Victory.

They all started screaming like lunatics.

It was stupid and when Shiro found them, he just shook his head.

"As long as you're eating." Shiro left the room almost immediately, refusing to watch Pidge eat what was either an eyeball or a very round sea creature.

It was still really gross, but she was able to get around most weird textures, encouraged by Lance's enthusiasm and his weird support and belief that she had been gifted with something here.

It was all ridiculous, but being with them in that moment, it was the least alone she had felt in a long time.

They called it a night when Lance tried to force down a space caviar-booger looking thing and upchucked it right back onto the counter. As they strolled out of the kitchen, Lance swung an arm around her.

"You're awesome, Pidge," he said as they walked toward their rooms.

Pidge smirked.

"Thanks."

* * *

"Keith, want to see me eat this thing?" Pidge was sitting cross legged on the counter and the ‘thing’ in question was a mysterious blue fruit-orb thing sitting beside her. They had been cleaning out the kitchen, Coran had found some sort of beetle in one of their cabinets and he had recruited them all in his mission to get rid of it.

“Zerpa pests are the worst! We’ll be up to our ears in the things if we don’t find them all!” He assumed they had picked up the bugs the last time they had stopped to pick up fresh food supplies. The Zerpas weren’t poisonous, venomous or disease carrying. They just ate a lot and multiplied at an incredible rate.

Nobody else had actually seen them. But Coran was insistent.

After a few hours of cleaning and searching, Coran had moved on from the kitchen and was looking through their other supply areas. Most of the team had gone with him, leaving Keith and Pidge in the kitchen to continue the search. Keith was passively shuffling boxes from one side of the counter to the other, his mind elsewhere. Pidge had given up the actual search after about a varga. She was now trying to pass the time in any way she could. Lance wasn’t around, but Keith hadn’t seen her ‘super power’ in action. It might be funny.

Keith glanced over at the unidentified fruit.

“Only if you actually want to.” Keith’s eyes flitted to her and then back to the box he was studying.

“Well,” Pidge picked the fruit up, weighing it in her hand. “There’s nothing I really _want_ to eat anyway. It’s just for fun.”

Pidge looked up, a grin in place, but when she met Keith’s eyes, he was staring at her with a furrowed brow. His eyes were sharp and they pinned her in place.

He didn’t _say_ anything and Pidge furrowed her brow to match his.

“What?” she demanded.

“Nothing.” Keith looked away.

Keith and her were friends. She had to remind herself of that. Something was bothering him though.

“Do you want to try it?” Pidge pressed her fingertip into the fruit’s skin, it left a small crescent on the surface.

“Not really.”

“Okay, well, what’s wrong then? Are you mad at something?” Pidge never liked beating around the bush, she was pretty sure that was one of the reasons why her and Keith got along in the first place.

“No.” Keith sighed. He glanced at her and away again. He crossed his arms across his chest. “I can’t eat something, unless I want to.” Keith waved a hand in a sharp motion before settling it back against him. “If I ate something gross, it was because I had to. We have a lot of food here, so I don’t think you should have to eat something unless you _want_ to.”

Pidge blinked as a rush of thoughts went through her mind.

Keith lived alone in the desert for so long, and before that, before the Garrison, he was in foster care and there had been vague allusions to him not getting the best care. What did he even eat most of the time? He didn’t seem to have an issue with trying alien foods, but if he didn’t like something, he definitely didn’t force himself to eat it.

“Sorry,” Pidge found herself mumbling.

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Keith opened up a box on the counter.

She wanted to say something else, instead she rolled the fruit in her hand feeling the smooth surface against her fingertips. It didn’t seem unpleasant, probably wouldn't feel too weird to eat.

But it wasn't appealing either. She didn’t have to try it, if she didn't really want to.

At that moment, Lance and Hunk strolled into the room, talking animatedly. Lance was lifting a box off the counter to take to the storage room when he saw the weird fruit in Pidge's hand.

"What's that? Are you going to eat that?" Lance took eager steps forward, the box he had been planning to move now forgotten.

Pidge's eyes flitted to Keith and then back to Lance.

A grin spread over her face.

"Yep."

Hunk and Lance both crowded close as she brought the fruit to her lips and took a huge bite.

* * *

"Is Pidge not eating?" Lance finally asked when the smallest paladin didn't show up for dinner.

"Said she had a project to finish," Hunk explained. "I'll bring her a plate later."

"A project," Lance echoed. "What project?"

"She didn't say." Hunk was placing dishes on the table, arranging them just so.

Lance started to move from his chair.

"She's going to yell at you if you interrupt her, she said to leave her alone."

"I'm just going to check." He was up and out the door before Hunk could argue.

Lance figured he could avoid most of Pidge’s wrath if he was quick. He would just pop his head in her lab really fast and say something. Something that would help him get a clue to how she was feeling. Make sure she wasn’t feeling too sad or anything. He wanted to be sure to check on her, even if it annoyed her. He had to do it. He had already failed as her friend before, when she was so sick and didn’t tell anyone.

So he just needed to think of something casual to say, nothing too annoying. Something that would let him check on her. Lance whistled as he walked through the corridor, still thinking of the perfect words.

* * *

Pidge had definitely meant to work in her lab. She had several projects she was working on. The fact that she was feeling a little weird had nothing to do with the way she secluded herself away. She was probably just tired. Tired from cleaning and looking for Zerpa beetles that didn’t even seem to exist. It didn’t matter how much Coran insisted, she never saw a single one. After a long day of fruitless searching, she just wanted to curl up alone and shut her eyes. And that had nothing to do with the way her stomach was starting to hurt.

Nothing at all.

After she told Hunk she would be skipping dinner, she honestly tried to work, but not even half a varga later, she was curled up in her room with the lights dimmed and a blanket wrapped around her.

She should put the heater on, she was so cold she was shaking.

Her stomach did a flip.

_Probably just ate something weird, go to sleep, go to sleep._

Pidge scrunched her eyes up and took deep breaths.

_I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine._

* * *

Lance was surprised when he didn’t find Pidge in her lab. His not-very-annoying-at-all greeting was met with an empty room. He checked the dark corners too, in case she was hiding away, but he didn’t find anything. It didn’t even look like she had been recently working on anything. There weren’t any parts on the desk, no schematics open on the computer...

“Weird,” Lance mumbled.

* * *

Coran sat down at the dinner table with a huff.

“No luck finding our Zerpa guests?” Allura questioned with a sympathetic smile.

“They’re there! They’re hiding! Perhaps they’ve evolved to be more intelligent in the past thousand years.” Coran nodded his thanks as Hunk passed a filled plate to him. “And _now,_ ” Coran took a large spoonful of his space potatoes, “my Zerpacide has gone missing! A whole sphere’s worth. Hopefully, the vile things have made off with it, that would speed things up. Of course then we’ll have dead Zerpas in the castle walls.”

“Well, what does the Zerpacide look like?” Shiro asked with a sigh. He had been the one moving the heaviest boxes around all day and was getting a little tired of the Zerpa search.

“It’s round and blue, if you throw it hard enough, it breaks and releases enough toxin to kill a large colony of Zerpa- what’s wrong?”

Keith had stood from the table so quickly he’d sent his cup tumbling.

“Did you say _round_ and _blue_?” Keith demanded.

* * *

Pidge had never experienced pain like this before. Her stomachache had quickly grown into a burning sensation and then it began to stab at her sharply. She had broken out in a sweat and she was just thinking she might not be okay when a surge of agony sent her jolting from her bed. Her knees shook so hard, she stumbled and tripped over some of the mess in her room. Sprawled out on her bedroom floor, she thought about Shiro, so worried because she had hidden being sick before. She thought she was going to try not to do that anymore. Pretending to be fine and making people worry. She hated it.

Through sheer determination she forced herself up onto her knees. She was not going to throw up on her _stuff_. She liked all her things and she didn’t want to puke and make more of a mess.

_Why didn’t you just tell them?_

She scrunched her face up at the thought. She didn’t know why. She just couldn’t bring herself to do it.

She meant to stand with resolve, though she had a feeling she actually looked pathetic. She would tell them now, she would go out and get help. She was going to do it. She was going to-

She was going to puke.

She hurried into her tiny cabinet of a bathroom. She had never been so relieved that she had requested to have a room with at least it’s own toilet.

She barely managed to get her face over the bowl before everything was coming back up. Her head throbbed as she retched hard. Like she was getting her skull beat in, like that time her and Matt had tried to sled down their stairs in a box and she had fallen out halfway down. Matt had freaked out and he was apologizing for weeks after.

Tears were spilling from her eyes.

_What a stupid thing to think about._

Her throat burned so badly she would have screamed out if she could, but she was too busy gagging up a bright blue mess into her toilet. Blue, fizzing and tinted with pink. She heaved harshly. Blue, fizzing and mixed with bright red.

Suddenly it was all red and she didn’t understand. Why the change? Her smart, stupid brain finally caught up to what was happening.

_Blood. That’s blood. You’re vomiting blood._

There was so much of it, too much.

_Almost enough to taste._

Pidge’s world swiftly went dark.

* * *

Lance called for Pidge when he entered her room and when he saw the bathroom door open, he hesitated. That was a girl’s bathroom and his sisters had always been quick to shriek if he ever started to accidentally walk in on them.

“Pidge?” Lance called. “You okay?” He didn’t get an answer. Maybe she wasn’t there either. Lance figured he would check just to make sure. Cautiously, he peeked his head in, an apology ready to go, if she was getting changed or something.

He had not been ready for what he saw. He didn’t even know what he was looking at and it took too long for his brain to force his legs to move forward. Because Pidge was face down on the floor at an awkward angle and there was blood puddled by her head.

_She’s dead, she’s dead, she’s dead._

The room was too small and Lance was trying to turn her, to check her pulse and it smelled like puke too and there was blood on his hands and was she even breathing? It didn’t look like she was breathing.

Lance was shouting for help, his voice a stranger’s to his ears.

His voice was cracking and that was pathetic.

_Calm down, take her pulse._

He thought he felt her heart beating, but it was so hard to tell…

Pidge lurched under his hands and more blood spilled from her mouth. He hastily pushed her head to the side, realizing she was likely to choke.

_Infirmary._

Lance struggled to pull her close, to lift her off the floor. He ignored the blood smearing across his shirt. She had become so pale. He ignored that too.

Lance had just managed to squeeze out of the bathroom when she groaned and shifted slightly in his hold.

“Matt... did I fall ‘gain?”

Lance nearly dropped her. A denial got stuck in his throat. _I’m not him._ Lance swallowed thickly.

“I don’t know. We’re going to get you help right now, okay?”

“‘Kay.... Don’t tell mom.”

“I won’t,” Lance quickly agreed.

Pidge sighed and went silent.

As soon as Lance was clear of Pidge’s floor he began to book it down the corridor. He bit down the urge to yell for help, they were all at dinner, nobody could hear him. He needed to stay calm, focus on running, don’t think about Pidge getting more and more pale.

He felt his eyes sting.

_And definitely do not start crying._

He nearly stumbled and he chastised himself for nearly dropping Pidge. He needed to keep it together. He needed-

“Lance!”

_Help._

Keith was barreling down the hall. He stopped once Lance looked up and held out one hand, gesturing for Lance to hurry, to keep going.

“Coran’s at the infirmary already. You got her?”

Lance nodded and he hustled forward, nearly bumping Keith who was reaching without thinking and pulling him along by the elbow. They both found their pace and ran as fast as they could.

Lance didn’t think he had ever run that fast before in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was my favorite to write. Not sure when the next part will be posted. I still have a fair amount to write. Please leave a comment. Quarantine is... sad.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what was supposed to be a week turned into a few months. I am so sorry. Things were difficult. Here's the next chapter? Hope it makes sense, I was having trouble going through and making sure it all went together. More notes at the end.

Coran had immediately injected Pidge with something to counteract the poison in her system. He said they would put her into a pod once the poison was neutralized just to be sure. Shiro rushed late into the infirmary, having been off checking for Pidge elsewhere in the ship. Hunk had already been at the infirmary with Coran when Lance and Keith arrived with Pidge, he had been answering the Altean’s questions about how much of the poison Pidge had eaten. Not all of it, at least that was on their side.

Pidge lay on the infirmary cot, pale, unmoving and breathing in tiny gasps. They were all stopping themselves from crowding close; allowing Coran room to flit from her bedside and back to the computer.

For nearly a varga, nobody spoke. Lance had slipped slowly to the floor, needing to sit down, but not having the energy to find a chair. Hunk soon moved to sit beside him, pressing his shoulder into his.

Lance reached up to wipe some cold sweat from his brow, but Hunk made a distressed noise, causing him to pause.

"You've got- you've got blood on your hands," Hunk explained quickly. Lance looked down at himself. He had dried blood under his fingernails and pressed into the creases in his palms. There was dark red smeared all down the front of his shirt. He must have paled because Hunk made another distressed noise.

"Are you going to be sick?" Hunk's voice sped up in concern.

Lance shook his head and tucked his hands away near his stomach.

"Lance," Shiro suddenly turned his eyes to him. "Go get cleaned up."

"I want to stay." Lance knew he sounded argumentative and childish, but he couldn't help it.

"You can come right back. There's probably traces of poison in the blood, I don't want that on you."

"Shiro," Lance pleaded, but their leader shook his head.

"We'll keep an eye on her. It will be okay." Shiro's expression was soft despite his firm tone. Lance didn't want to cause a problem, but he hesitated. He wasn't sure if his legs were up to the task of carrying him.

"You want me to come with?" Hunk asked. Lance shook his head. Pidge was more important.

“Let him go with you.” Shiro turned back to Pidge, not open to arguing about it.

Lance was going to argue anyway.

“Shiro-”

Hunk cut him off, standing and hauling Lance to his feet before his friend could finish voicing his complaint.

“Let’s hurry and then we can come right back,” Hunk encouraged. He was pulling Lance out the door, preventing any further argument.

As soon as Lance found his footing, he stumbled away from Hunk.

“I can walk by myself.” Lance swayed and he scowled at his feet and their immediate betrayal.

“Lance, I’m not sure how to say- you don’t look good.”

“I’m not the one people need to worry about. I’m not the one who ate poison!” Lance clenched his hands into fists.

“We can worry about more than one person at a time.”

“Well, you- you shouldn’t!” Lance’s eyes were stinging. He pressed a fist to his temple and pulled in a deep, shaking breath.

“Lance,” Hunk spoke softly.

“It’s my fault.” Lance’s hands fell loosely to his sides in resignation.

“Lance, it’s not-”

“It is. I was trying to make sure she was alright and I made it so much worse.” Lance took a deep breath. “And she called me Matt. She thought I was her brother and I’ve just been about the worst kind of brother. I started the game and then I watched her eat poison! What if she had died? I-”

“It would have been my fault too. I was there. It would have been my fault too.”

“Hunk, no, it’s not-”

“If it’s not my fault then it’s not yours either, okay?”

Lance looked away, but Hunk waved his hand to bring the boy’s attention back to him. “Okay?” Hunk was insistent. He wasn’t going to let it go until Lance agreed.

“Yeah, okay.” It was quiet, but it was said with all the energy Lance could muster. Hunk nodded his approval and they both fell into silence for a moment.

“I would hug you, but, yeah, you’ve got blood and puke all over your shirt, man.”

Lance scoffed, unsure if he was going to laugh or start crying. He decided to start moving down the hall and Hunk followed closely.

“Brothers aren’t perfect, y’know?” Hunk smiled. “And for what it’s worth, I think you’re a great brother.” When he said it so honestly like that, Lance could almost believe him.

“Thanks, Hunk. You too”

* * *

It was late and all of the paladins had gone to bed or, in Shiro’s case, passed out at an odd angle in a chair. He had been determined to stay until the poison was taken care of, but he hadn’t quite made it through the night. Coran let him sleep.

It was right before morning when a small distressed breath caught the Altean’s attention. Coran glanced at Shiro before realizing the sound was coming from the infirmary bed. He turned with a smile in place, ready to be consoling if necessary.

“Feels like I swallowed glass,” Pidge gasped out.

“I’m not surprised. Your stomach and esophageal lining has suffered quite a bit.” Coran leaned in closer. “You ate my Zerpa poison, young one.”

“Oh,” Pidge glanced around the room, her eyes landed on Shiro, snoring quietly in a nearby chair. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

Coran actually laughed. “Oh no, I’m not upset that you did, well- I mean, I’m not happy you did that, but I’m more grateful that you are going to be alright.”

“Am I?” Pidge’s brow furrowed. She felt exhausted and her memory was fuzzy at best, but she was pretty sure she had thrown up her entire gastrointestinal tract.

“Oh, yes!” Coran leaned in closer. “Of course you’re going to be alright! The poison has been neutralized and in a little while, you’re going to go into a pod to heal up and then you’ll be just fine. Alright?”

Pidge nodded, realizing she was already starting to fall back to sleep. She forced her eyes open, too stubborn to lose consciousness again already.

“Just relax, you’re fine.” Coran lightly patted the top of her head and then he turned back to the computer. “You get some rest.”

There was silence in the room except for Coran’s typing at his keyboard. It reminded Pidge of late nights at home, when Matt, dad or mom couldn’t sleep and they would be up, working on projects. She would creep down the hall, see the light on in their rooms...

“Can I tell you a secret?” Pidge mumbled under her breath. Coran’s ears twitched. He wasn’t even sure if he had heard her right. He glanced at the smallest member of their team. Her eyes were closed and her face was partially covered by the thin, grey blanket she was clutching in her hand.

“Of course.” He lowered his tone to match hers.

“Miss my mom.” It was said so quietly that Coran thought he had imagined those words at first. But he was sure he had heard right.

“That’s not a secret, little one.” Coran huffed in amusement. “Everyone does.”

“Do you?” Pidge curled tighter, becoming even smaller. Her eyes flickered open.

“Everyone does,” Coran repeated, his tone soft and so warm.

“Don’t tell anyone.” Pidge’s eyes fluttered closed again. She was quickly being pulled under, exhausted by everything her body had endured in the last few vargas.

“I won’t say a word,” Coran whispered.

Pidge was already asleep.

* * *

Pidge wasn’t eating.

Everyone tried to encourage her to eat something. Well, everyone except for Lance. Lance had become quieter around Pidge. All of the daring, joking and laughter was gone. He stuck close to her, watching, but he never suggested she eat anything. In fact, he snapped at Hunk when the other boy was trying to force a sandwich on her.

“She doesn’t want it,” Lance had hissed, when Hunk couldn’t get the hint. His friend had looked at him with such a sad look then. And Lance, Lance was so irritated and tired and ashamed, he didn’t know what to do. He apologized to Hunk later, after Pidge had gone to bed. Hunk had sighed, but he accepted the apology.

“You know she has to eat, right? Coran says she can’t just drink the vitamin supplement forever.”

Lance nodded.

“You know you don’t have to fix it, right? We’re a team.” Hunk’s voice was low, even though they were alone in the hallway. Lance shrugged and when Hunk tried to wrap an arm around his shoulders he moved away. Lance made an excuse about being tired and left without another word. He didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to think about it. Because it didn’t matter what anyone said.

He had messed up.

If he hadn’t come up with that stupid super power thing… it had been to get her to eat, to get her to feel a little better. Look what happened. It all backfired horribly. He was never going to do anything like that again.

So Pidge didn’t eat. For days and days.

And Lance let the guilt settle somewhere in his gut. He let it remind him of the mistakes he had made, of Pidge passed out in vomit and blood smeared across his shirt, across his palms…

The next time Pidge skipped a meal, he did too.

* * *

Pidge was thin. Alarmingly so.

But try as they might, they couldn’t really get her to eat anything solid. Nothing with texture and nothing that wasn’t approved of by Coran. Shiro was trying not to push, he was trying to let her figure things out on her own, but then Lance...

Was Lance following her example or was he punishing himself? Shiro didn’t know. He didn’t know if Lance really knew either. All he could do was be there for them. Help them figure it out, encourage them.

_What is her father going to say when you find him and she looks like that?_

Shiro rubbed hard at his temple. He was supposed to be training, sparring with Keith, but his mind was elsewhere. He just couldn’t focus on the task at hand. That wasn’t a good quality in a leader.

“Let’s take a break,” Shiro finally said when Keith landed a second hit to his flesh arm. “It’s almost lunch anyway.” Shiro went to his water pouch on the side of the room.

“I’m not even hungry yet,” Keith protested. It was an offhand comment, but something in Shiro snapped.

“Keith, don’t. Not you too. I swear- You’re going to eat!” Shiro was pointing at the boy and breathing too loudly. Keith actually jumped back, startled. He held up both hands.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to, Shiro.”

Shiro felt embarrassment color his cheeks. He was losing it. Even when Keith was younger and had told Shiro about some of his issues with food, Shiro had never snapped like that.

“Sorry.” He pressed his fingers into the bridge of his nose.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Keith tilted his head.

“No, but could you do me a favor?” Shiro rubbed hard at his temple again.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Just keep an eye on the others. I… don’t know what else to do for them.”

Keith crossed his arms and he frowned.

“They’ll be okay, Shiro,” Keith finally said. Shiro almost laughed, Keith sounded so sure.

“Thank you, Keith.”

* * *

The sandwich was placed in front of Lance so brusquely that half of the toppings spilled out from the bread and onto the plate. Lance flicked a lettuce leaf over, saving it from falling onto the table.

“Can I help you?” Lance raised an eyebrow at Keith. The red paladin was staring at him with his arms crossed, looking at him like he had done something stupid.

Lance thought about that for a moment.

He was pretty sure he hadn’t done anything stupid lately.

“Eat that.” Keith nodded at the food offering.

Lance scratched the back of his head.

“I’m not really-”

“Don’t say you’re not hungry. Eat the sandwich and then come with me to Pidge’s lab.”

“Oh, that’s a lot of stuff I don’t want to do right now.”

“Too bad, she needs to eat. You’re both making Shiro worry. Eat the sandwich.” Keith pointed at the food, as if Lance needed further instruction.

Lance did feel guilty about Shiro. He never wanted him to worry. But it wasn’t like Lance wasn’t eating at all. He snacked. Occasionally.

Maybe not so much.

"Alright, look, I will, but I gotta finish this first." Lance gestured to the table in front of him.

Keith tilted his head to the side, noticing for the first time that Lance was looking over multiple data pads.

Lance was… working on something. He knew Lance wasn’t stupid, but he also knew that Lance wasn’t incredibly studious or prone to projects.

"What is all this?"

"Prisoner manifests mostly." Lance tilted a screen toward Keith. "I'm looking for Matt."

"You're looking for Pidge's family."

"Well, yeah. I mean Pidge is the one who finds all the stuff, but I'm trying to help with the longer lists."

Keith picked up a data pad. "I'll help too."

"Really?"

"Yeah and when we finish, you'll eat, right?"

Lance sighed. But the sandwich was tempting… he supposed he was hungry…

"Yeah."

"And we'll take food to Pidge."

Lance wasn’t so sure that was a good idea, he didn't want to bother Pidge... but then Keith had a point. She should eat. Lance hadn’t wanted to force her, but he didn’t really know what to do. He kept trying to think of what his older siblings would do in this situation, what Matt would do. He had no idea.

Also, he could use the help. The lists were long and he was getting a headache from looking through names and blurry photos.

“Yeah, we can try that,” Lance spoke quietly, unsure of the decision. He glanced at the sandwich; two pieces of bread with an alien tomato and leaf falling out of it. “But we should get Hunk to make something.”

Keith nodded his approval and, without a word, he grabbed a stack of data pads and got to work.

* * *

She hadn’t expected Lance, Hunk and Keith to all come visit her at once. The fact that Keith was there with them suggested their current endeavor was something significant.

“Pidge,” Keith spoke first, “eat this.” Something was placed in front of her, the clink of alien ceramic resounded in her lab. She looked up and studied the contents of the plate. Some kind of chopped up vegetables and crackers.

“This too,” Lance forced out as he placed a milkshake on the edge of the table. Hunk was nodding encouragingly at her from behind Lance’s shoulder.

“They’re all good textures, Pidge,” Hunk chimed in. “And it’s all stuff we’ve eaten before so, y’know, it’s not- y’know- poison.” Hunk whispered the last word, but Lance still grimaced at the mention of it.

Pidge studied them all for a long moment. Her gaze lingered on Keith and the boy gave her a curt nod.

“What if I said I didn’t want to?” Pidge muttered, her eyes locked on Keith’s. There was a long moment of silence. Lance glanced from Keith to Pidge. The two looked like they were having a silent conversation. Finally, Keith took in a deep breath.

“I want to respect your decision, but you need to eat something.” Keith took a step closer. “Please.”

Pidge inhaled sharply. She wasn’t trying to be difficult. She really wasn’t. And there were times she felt pangs of hunger, but then she would remember the Zerpa poison, the way it fizzed in her mouth, the way it ate through her insides and the way it made everything fade away. The way the sickness made her feel lost, alone, scared and way too damn young. She looked away from Keith and to her other friends. Hunk was staring at her so seriously, she knew he had taken her lack of taste as a challenge. And Lance. Lance was looking sad and worried and _thin_.

She remembered when she was very young and the first time her science project had won some district contest. She had to give a presentation at the science exhibition. Matt was so nervous on her behalf. Their mother chided him for chewing his own fingernails until they bled.

“I’ll try.” Her voice was only a whisper and she winced at how weak she sounded. She glanced up, intending to avert her gaze quickly. But, in that moment, Keith, Hunk and Lance all had the same expression on their faces. They were relieved and hopeful and she could see how much they believed in her. They knew she could get better, they knew she could do anything if she tried.

Matt had believed in her too.

* * *

She did better after that.

She ate small amounts, but frequently. Hunk was always leaving plates of snacks out for her. Things that had been checked for edibility and things that would be texturally appealing to her.

She found all the boys hanging around her lab more than usual. They reminded her to try to eat and they helped her out when they could. Sometimes, they would just sit and be quiet while she worked.

She thought she would be annoyed with them for constantly trying to be around her. But she found she didn’t mind them most of the time. She liked having someone there in the background. It was comfortable, a reminder that she wasn’t alone.

There was fighting and battles and adventure and then there were quiet moments. Moments when she felt like she belonged with them.

However, despite their friendship. She still found ways to hide her vulnerability.

She took a blow to the side during training one day. They asked if she was alright and she had said she was fine. She would have gotten away with it, if Coran hadn’t insisted on a scan.

She was pretty sure the Altean was onto her.

When the scan revealed cracked ribs, Shiro had sighed deeply.

“Oh, Pidge.” He didn’t say anything else, but she got the message. They knew she was lying about her health and they didn’t know how to make her stop.

Pidge didn’t know how to stop either.

They continued fighting. The war brought more injuries and ailments.

And time went on.

* * *

Until one day, everything stopped.

Time, that had been endlessly dragging forward for her, came to a stand still when she had a concrete lead on Matt’s location.

Intel that led her down a path to her long sought after goal.

After all her searching, worrying, mourning, and fighting, Pidge found her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I think I just got too close to this one. First, I thought there was only going to be three chapters, but I kept writing and I realized a few days ago that I was going to have to split it up, which felt like failure. Second, writing Pidge reuniting with Matt sucked to write. And I was stuck there for weeks. Just crying and writing god knows what. 
> 
> I hope everyone else is having a mentally stable quarantine, because mine became really questionable there for a while. 
> 
> Anyway, I am sorry this took so long. Feel free to drop me a comment, the next part shouldn't take as long, I'm wrapping it up. Thank you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my minor breakdown in the notes. I almost deleted my rambling in the last notes, but I decided to leave it. Things are hard sometimes, but I'm still here. AND I am feeling SO much better now. 
> 
> ANYWAY, this was supposed to be the last chapter, but the last chapter turned out to be over 5,000 words. So I split it up. I never would have thought that this fic would turn out so long. Please excuse mistakes and enjoy!

Pidge couldn’t describe what getting Matt back was like.

She could not describe that joy or relief. And, besides Matt, nobody else in the universe could understand the certain kind of comfort and repose she found when Matt was a part of her life again. That huge piece that she had been missing was back and her family was closer to being whole again.

She had been so caught up in showing Matt around the ship and introducing him to everyone that, when Hunk told them he was serving dinner, she hadn’t realized there was a problem until she was sitting down at the table.

Hunk had set a bowl of a crisp alien fruit in front of her and her eyes widened in realization. She hadn’t told Matt about her lack of taste. In a way, she had kind of forgotten about it; the return of her brother overshadowing everything else.

Matt started to dig into the food with great enthusiasm. Pidge took a small bite of her fruit, it was something she’d had before, no surprising texture that might throw her off. She hoped that Matt might not notice her meager meal.

In the middle of stuffing his face, Matt passed a bowl to Pidge without even looking. They had shared a table enough times that passing food to her was second nature. He noticed she hadn’t filled her plate with everything, so he would naturally push things her way.

She took the bowl with a forced calm. She glanced up at Lance, who was sitting across from her. Lance’s eyes had widened, but he was now staring very hard at his own plate. Without thinking, she glanced at Keith's chair, but Keith was away and wasn’t likely to return from the Blade of Marmora any time soon. She imagined he would be staring pointedly at her.

She passed the bowl on to her right, knocking Hunk in the elbow. Hunk made an uncomfortable noise in the back of his throat before taking the bowl. Luckily, her brother was deep into conversation with Shiro and he didn’t notice everyone else acting like a bunch of weirdos.

She knew what the boys were thinking.

They had realized in the past few moments that she hadn’t told her brother about her inability to taste. Lance was feeling bad about it and Hunk was stressed, knowing he was a bad secret keeper. Keith would have probably been silently urging her to say something.

_All of you calm down!_ She tried to telepathically communicate with them. She tried arranging her expression in a way that hopefully transferred the message.

“What’s up? Aren’t you hungry?” Matt nudged her with an elbow.

Hunk made an odd choking noise.

“Not really,” she replied coolly.

“You don’t feel good?” Matt swallowed the mouthful of food he had in his mouth. He tilted his head at her, concern pulling at his features. “You feel sick?”

“I don’t get sick. I don’t get hurt.” The statement left her lips automatically. Her personal mantra of _I’m fine, I’m fine, always fine_ spun around in her head.

Matt laughed.

“Since when? You were the one that always brought the germs home; you got everyone sick- what? Like 9 times that one year.” Matt was smiling at her and she tried to smile back, she really did. But there must have been something wrong. Her expression was wrong.

“Hey, what’s up?” Matt whispered. Because he had only been with her for about a day and he knew something was off. Because he was her brother and they knew each other better than anyone. He knew when she was happy, when she was scared, when she was excited and when she was hurting.

Pidge wanted to get up from the table, she didn’t want to have this conversation here. She still needed to be strong in front of her team. She needed to always be fine.

“Pidge?” Shiro caught her attention. He was staring at her, his features soft. “It’s okay.”

Lance was looking at her now and he nodded encouragingly, though his expression looked pained. She felt Hunk inhale slowly at her side.

“What’s wrong?” Matt asked softly.

Pidge turned in her seat, she took a deep breath and tipped her head into Matt’s shoulder. Pressing her forehead into rough fabric she inhaled and exhaled. Matt had tensed, his worry now completely taking over.

“I forgot to tell you something.”

* * *

“I thought you were going to tell me you were an android now.”

Pidge hit him in the face with a pillow. Matt swiped the pillow away. “Or that you had invented a way to not get sick.”

“I kind of felt like I had,” Pidge admitted. Matt scoffed.

“Lying is not an invention. At least not a new one.”

They had retreated to Pidge’s room, Matt had cleared a space for himself on the floor, while Pidge perched on the edge of her bed. Matt patted at her socked feet and she took the opportunity to pick them off the floor and shove them in his face. Matt wrinkled his nose and batted her away.

He went silent and Pidge studied the expression on her brother’s face. She had rarely seen him look so thoughtful. She wondered if she had ever seen that combination of deep thinking and sadness.

He had been through a lot.

“Your team, they really thought that you never got sick?”

“I guess.” She shuffled her feet, pressing her toes into her brother’s arm.

“But you managed to get sick every few months when we were growing up! And you had that mystery allergic reaction to that random enchilada that time- Wait,” Matt sat up, “do they have an epipen here for you, if that happens again?”

Pidge shrugged. “Coran would probably think of something. Lance had a bad allergic reaction early on and he was fine. Well, eventually.”

Matt furrowed his brow.

“When I leave, you got to promise me you won’t hide stuff from them. It’s too dangerous.”

Pidge knew Matt would have to leave eventually. He was fighting in the war too after all. She just hadn’t wanted to think about it…

Instead of promising she crossed her legs and folded her arms, curling up and looking like the pouty little sister that Matt remembered from when they were young.

Maybe they were still young.

“When are you leaving?” Her voice came out much softer than she meant it to.

“Not yet.” Matt poked her knee. “Before I go, let’s work on getting your taste back.”

“Matt, there’s nothing you can do. Nothing works.”

Matt clapped his hands, his abrupt movement startling Pidge almost as much as the determined expression on his face.

“We’ll just have to see about that.”

* * *

Matt liked puzzles. Both Holt siblings did, really. However, Pidge wasn’t a fan of being the puzzle. She didn’t like how Matt talked with Coran about her and took rigorous notes on her past illness and the incident with the zerpa poisoning.

Lance had made himself scarce, and she figured she should probably track him down to make sure he was okay, but she also had the distinct feeling that he didn’t want to talk. She wasn’t sure if he was avoiding her, Matt or both of them.

Matt started working closely with Hunk to come up with food that Pidge would like. He understood texture better than most and he tried everything before handing it to his sister.

Hunk was making a kind of purple spaghetti while Matt was taste testing. Pidge was sitting on the counter, watching as Matt carefully tried the sauce while Hunk was making it. After he had tasted several spoonfuls, he offered a spoonful of sauce to Pidge and she took it to be a good sport, but she didn’t see how this was going to help.

“This tastes like sad tomatoes.” Matt said as he shoved the spoon towards her. Hunk frowned at the description.

“Well, I haven’t added all the seasonings yet,” Hunk tried to defend his sauce.

“He doesn’t mean it's bad, just not strong,” Pidge tried to clarify.

“That doesn’t sound good either,” Hunk protested.

“I’m sure it’s fine, Hunk.” Pidge popped the spoon in her mouth and was already starting to swallow the mouthful when Matt held up a finger.

“Wait, think about it first. It’s like tomato and oatmeal. Remember when we were really little and we didn’t have a lot of money? It tastes like that. Like tomato soup for dinner and breakfast.”

She remembered. She gave the liquid a moment more on her tongue and she considered what he was saying. Of course she could remember what taste was supposed to be like, but just because she could imagine it, it wasn’t the same thing…

Slightly sweet, acidic, but diluted…

Pidge swallowed down the sauce.

“Well?” Matt raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“I don’t know.” She looked away, fidgeting with her thumbnail. “Maybe there was something.”

Matt grinned.

“I can work with that!” Matt took the spoon from her and dipped it back into the now simmering liquid. Hunk sucked in a breath at the used tasting spoon being dipped again into his sauce. Matt held the spoon aloft. “Try again! And just think: ‘sad tomatoes.’”

“I haven't added all the spices yet!” Hunk protested.

Pidge muttered an apology to Hunk before tasting the sauce once more.

Sweet, acidic, bland.

_Sad tomatoes._

She could _taste_ that.

Her expressions must have conveyed something because Matt’s face split into a wide grin. He scooped her off the counter and spun her around, squeezing so tightly she thought she might lose the sauce back up her esophagus. But he was laughing and she found it easy to get caught up in the sound. She soon matched his laughter.

And it felt like home.

* * *

It started small.It was like quiet mornings. Like late nights. Like last minute runs to the grocery store. Every bite of food was described in a way that only they could understand.

“Like that tired summer.”

She knew which one he meant. When she finished the sixth grade they had decided to spend a weekend eating junk food and watching movies. They didn’t sleep for days and at the end, Matt had made a chocolate cake with hot cinnamon candies adorning the frosting.

She spooned the dessert into her mouth.

_Sweet, spicy…_

It seemed far away, but it was there.

Coran said she was relearning to taste and he made notes in the computer system for research purposes. He said it was fascinating. However, she figured he was humoring her. One day, she had heard him whispering to Matt in the corridor, when they didn’t know she was just around the corner.

“I think it proves there was a psychological component.”

“She won’t like that.”

“Well, I’m not saying it was on purpose.”

“I know.” Matt’s tone became lower, quieter, serious. “You’ll keep an eye on her when I’m gone?”

“Of course.”

Pidge snuck away before they could see her. She had tried not to dwell on that conversation. How it perfectly ruined the image she had set out to make for herself. The Paladin who was always fine. That facade was completely gone now. Though, she figured, it had probably been gone when she puked blood all over Lance. Still.

She had been trying to hold onto it.

* * *

_Stupid, I’m being stupid,_ Pidge thought to herself.

Matt had told her he would be leaving soon.

She was able to taste most things now. There was work for him to do elsewhere in the galaxy. He needed to go. She understood, but she didn’t like it. After he told her, there was a tension hanging around them. He hadn’t given her an exact day, she was left wondering if she would wake up one morning and he would just be gone. Gone again. She knew Matt wouldn't do that, he wouldn't just leave without saying anything.

Knowing it was an irrational fear, didn't make it any easier.

She hated how everything seemed blander when she was upset. It proved that her mind had turned against her, against her basic functions. She was frustrated with it all.

“You alright?” Matt asked her after a particularly dull dinner.

“I’m fine.” She froze after she said it. It was a lie, he would know it was a lie. There was a heavy, silent pause between them.

“You _promised_ ,” Matt complained. She shoved her plate away and met his gaze. Matt had told her to promise not to hide things from her team when he was gone. But Matt wasn’t gone yet and she hadn’t actually promised anything. He had just told her to promise… so… so… she hadn’t agreed.

“I’m _leaving_.” Like when she was seven and Matt won at chess and she kicked the board and stormed out of the house.

“Don’t leave, Pidge,” Matt pleaded, rising from his chair. Pidge felt like she was being stabbed in the chest. She wanted to glare and shoot barbed words at him. She wanted to fight with him. They had never been much for arguing, but it didn’t mean they had never been angry with each other.

She left the room without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am wanting to get the next chapter up soon. Hopefully, by the end of this week. We shall see. Thank you so much for reading. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed or found it interesting at all. Thank you again!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. About 5k words longer than I thought it would be. I was so eager to wrap it up, I was able to get this last chapter edited in record time. Please excuse mistakes and enjoy the last chapter of Peanut Butter.

Pidge walked the castleship hallways for a long time. Way past the beginning of the ship’s night cycle. She felt the floor give a shudder under her feet in the middle of the night and she figured they were landing. There had been plans to land on a small, barren planet. A place where they could rendez-vous with some allies. They were supposed to be there for two days. Matt hadn’t said it exactly, but she was sure he wasn’t coming with them when they left here.

And here she was wasting time being mad at him. Why? It didn’t make sense.

She stewed in her thoughts, but she felt like she couldn’t think clearly. She was tired, but would Matt be waiting in her room? Waiting to talk about everything, waiting to tell her he would be leaving very, very soon?

She was so lost in thought, she wasn’t paying attention when she turned the corner and walked right into someone. She had thought it was Shiro, because of the darker material that she had faceplanted into, but a moment later she realized he wasn’t tall enough.

“Keith?” Maybe her tired brain was making her hallucinate?

“Pidge,” he raised an eyebrow, “why are you awake?”

“Why am I-? What are _you_ doing here?”

“It’s a meeting point. The Blade is part of the meeting. It’s late, why are you awake?” Keith repeated.

“You know I don’t sleep.” Pidge rolled her eyes. She was notorious for staying up late in her lab. They all knew this. “Why are _you_ awake?” She parroted his question and placed her hands on her hips.

“My sleep cycle is different now.” Keith shrugged one shoulder. “I was patrolling.”

“Oh, do the others know you’re here?”

“Shiro and your brother greeted me, but they’ve gone to sleep now.”

Pidge’s face fell. “You’ve met Matt?”

“Yeah.” Keith hesitated. He was staring at her, scrutinizing her closely. She shuffled her feet, about to make an excuse about needing to leave when Keith spoke again. “You want to patrol with me?”

She felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders. She was sure he wouldn’t ask her any more awkward questions.

“Yeah, I really do.”

* * *

They didn’t really talk very much. She did tell him she was able to taste things now. He said he was glad and he told her that the Blade’s rations made him sick at first. That he went a stretch of days without eating because of it. He told her how he thought about her at that time and what she had been through.

“Aw, I missed you too,” Pidge grinned. He smiled back at her and they fell into a comfortable silence.

They soon found themselves near an observation deck, and Pidge commented under her breath that she hadn’t actually seen the planet yet.

“We can look, it’s pretty dark though,” Keith turned towards the doors. “Actually, it looks a little like the desert back home.”

* * *

Lance knew things felt weird. He wasn’t sure if it was his fault or not. When Matt first came aboard the ship, Lance was happy for Pidge. Happy and relieved that there was someone who could help her. She was doing so much better now! And Lance….

Lance was doing fine.

He was eating. He was training. He was avoiding the Holt siblings.

Lance didn’t know if Matt knew how he had basically poisoned Pidge. He couldn’t even look at the guy without feeling a swell of guilt. So many times he wanted to apologize. _Sorry for not having her back, sorry for not paying more attention, sorry for almost killing your sister. My bad._

It was his mind going through dumb apologies that kept him from sleeping and drove him to one of his favorite observation decks. It was quiet, the lights were dim, there were emergency blankets that he had spread out in the corner to make a comfy bed for himself. When they were in space, he could sit and watch the stars go by until he eventually drifted off. As they were docked, he wouldn't have the moving stars to lull him, but he could look up at the dark sky; and with the familiar looking desert rocks surrounding their ship, he could pretend he was back on Earth, back home.

He had been stretched out for a long time, thinking about Earth constellations, trying to find familiarity in the new night sky, when he heard the door slide open. He froze, his first thought being that he was about to be scolded, but then he heard a voice he hadn’t heard in a while.

Allura had mentioned meeting up with the Blade, nobody had been sure if Keith would be with them, but he supposed he shouldn’t be that surprised. Keith was still a member of the team. Sort of. Lance shot up from his position on the floor.

“What?” Lance managed, bewildered. Keith blinked, he glanced at Pidge and back to Lance.

“Is nobody actually asleep on this ship?” Keith sounded exasperated, but the corner of his mouth turned up. Pidge grinned openly.

“Guess not.” She walked quickly to Lance’s side. “Hey, whatcha doing?”

Lance forced a smile. “Naming constellations. Want to help?”

“Sure.” Pidge sat cross legged by his side. She motioned for Keith to come and join them. As soon as he sat down, she motioned to the stars they could see above a darkened mountain range in the distance. “What’d you name that one?”

“Oh,” Lance followed her pointing finger. “Loopy loops.”

Pidge laughed. “You make it sound like a cereal, Lance.”

He laughed too, feeling some relief come over him. _She’s not mad, she doesn’t blame me,_ Lance reminded himself. _We’re friends._

“But there aren’t any loops?” Keith had his brow furrowed, confusion evident on his face.

“You’ve got no imagination, Mullet.” Lance rolled his eyes.

They passed away the time like that, talking about stars. Pidge eventually flopped over into the blankets, her head landing near Lance's knee. Keith sat leaned against the wall, his arms crossed. He looked standoffish, but he was talking with them so they knew he wasn't trying to be distant.

_Looks like he is on guard duty_ , Pidge thought before she shut her eyes and sighed.

Their talking went silent, the room filled with the sounds of soft breathing. Lance covered Pidge with a blanket and stretched out on the floor. It was _really_ late now, if they didn't get any sleep, they would all be scolded in the morning.

His eyes were just drifting closed when Keith cleared his throat. Lance tilted his head to the side, listening.

"Has she been doing alright?"

Lance let his fingers rest lightly on Pidge's back. Her breathing was steady, she really was asleep.

"Lot better since Matt got here, but she got upset earlier."

"About what?"

"I'm not sure. Sibling fight, I guess."

Keith hummed, while he hadn't grown up with siblings, he'd had Shiro. And they didn't always agree on things.

"You're doing better too?" Keith asked.

Lance shifted, but didn't answer.

"I mean, you've gained your weight back, so…" Keith trailed off.

"Hunk made sure." Lance patted his stomach.

"Good." Keith went silent again.

If Lance hadn't really known Keith, he would have thought the exchange was odd, stilted. But Lance knew that Keith cared about their wellbeing and he was doing his best to show it.

Lance wanted to tease him about it, but it was really late and his brain couldn't form a coherent remark.

The doors slid open and Matt swept into the room.

Lance felt his brain go to static. His stomach dropped, like he had just been caught doing something wrong. He tried to wiggle away from Pidge's form.

"Oh, she's here." Matt let out a breath. Lance blinked, startled. Matt wasn't mad, he was worried and Lance was overreacting.

"Keith? I thought you were going to sleep?" Matt wandered to Pidge's side, lowering his tone when he realized she was asleep.

"I was patrolling. I thought _you_ were going to sleep?"

"I couldn't. I was worried about her." Matt knelt down.

"Hey, Lance," Matt greeted.

"Heeey," Lance was going for casual, but he sounded like he was being strangled. Matt didn't comment, but Keith gave him a look. Lance cleared his throat and gestured to Pidge. "She's okay. Fell asleep. I covered her with a blanket. We were just looking at the stars. That's Loopy loops!" Lance pointed out to the horizon, realized his constellation had moved across the sky and began frantically pointing elsewhere. "No, not there, because we moved, well the planet did…" Lance trailed off realizing he was explaining a planet's rotation to Matt. Who had been to space way before him. Matt. Pidge's genius brother, and someone who probably thought he was the biggest idiot.

"You named the constellation? I do that too when I'm on a new planet!"

Matt. Pidge's genius brother. Also, kind of a dork.

Matt quickly launched into a description of all the different planets he had been on and all the names he had given the stars. Lance nodded along to show his interest. And he realized, while Matt was describing a particular planet that smelled like feet, that Matt wasn’t mad at him. Of course, he didn’t know if Matt knew about the Zerpa poison.

“Oh, that reminds me. I need to pack extra socks before I go. I hate wearing boots without socks.”

“I’m sorry about Pidge!” Lance blurted. Matt flinched at the words, startled by Lance’s volume. He glanced at Pidge, realized she was still asleep and then raised an eyebrow at Lance.

“Sorry?”

Lance looked to Keith who was staring back at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m sorry about-" Lance waved his hands through the air, "there was a ball, a poison ball, she ate it and she got sick and I’m so sorry! I should have stopped her from doing it.”

Matt stared wide eyed and then he burst into laughter. He quickly quieted when Pidge stirred in her sleep.

“Pidge told me about the poison.” Matt took a deep breath. “And I don’t think anyone has stopped my sister from doing anything she wanted to do.”

“Oh.” Lance took his first real breath in minutes.

“You don’t need to apologize. I know you all care about her.” Matt glanced down at Pidge. “She cares about you all too, I can tell.”

Pidge turned in her sleep. She groggily swiped her hand across her face, dislodging her glasses. Matt leaned over and blew harshly in her ear.

Pidge screamed and threw out her hands. Matt laughed even though she managed to clock him in the face.

Several colorful swears left her mouth, causing Matt to laugh louder. After the initial surprise wore off, Pidge glared at Matt. His expression softened.

“Are you still mad at me?”

“No.” Pidge crossed her arms. “I’m not _mad_.”

Matt nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

Something silent passed between them, an understanding that was born from years of growing up together.

Pidge uncrossed her arms.

“Want to have a sleepover on the observation deck with us?”

Matt grinned wide.

“Of course!”

Soon they were all wrapped in blankets, staring out at the wide, open sky. Naming and renaming constellations, they all quietly talked late into the night. Pidge wedged herself between Lance and Matt, claiming they were the warmest. Keith insisted on staying outside the huddle, but he tipped over onto Matt’s shoulder as the night went on. Huddled together, in the quiet and warmth, they all drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

“Hey, Lance!”

Lance shrieked.

He had been taking a walk through the castleship, thinking about heading over to hang out with Blue because, even though he liked Red, he still felt connected to the blue lion. Believing he was alone, he had been singing some god awful pop song that had been stuck in his head for days and wasn’t expecting the voice or the hand that landed on his shoulder.

Lance jumped to the side, colliding with the wall.

“Matt!” Lance shouted. Matt’s eyes were wide and he looked almost as startled as Lance.

"Uh, sorry," Matt finally said.

"It's fine. It's fine. I wasn’t paying attention." Lance scratched the back of his neck, willing the embarrassment to stop heating his face. "Did you need something?"

"No, no. Well… no." Matt fidgeted. "Kind of? Maybe?"

Lance blinked. "Okay."

"It’s just that you can’t tell my sister I talked to you. She won’t like it."

"Oh."

"But I just wanted to ask- no, that's not right." Matt tapped his chin, thinking. "I'm going to be leaving soon and I know you all look out for each other, so just… keep looking out for her."

"Well… yeah. Of course." Lance felt a surge of something in his chest. Matt was trusting him. "I mean, I'll do my best.” But then there was that bite of guilt, of inadequacy. Lance couldn't seem to quite shake it. “Sometimes things don't work out though, I'm not _good_ at being an older sibling I-"

"What?” Matt’s brow furrowed. “You seem like a good sibling to me."

"But, well, she got hurt and it was my fault really. I-"

"I dropped her from a tree when we were kids and we had to go to the emergency room."

"You what?"

"There was a massive leaf pile, she should have been fine." Matt shrugged. "My point is, even if she got hurt, I know you wouldn't hurt her on purpose. So I know I can trust you to have her back and pay attention because she lies about being fine."

Lance stared, some part of his brain turning into place. Matt looked back at him, he was giving him the same expression that he gave Pidge sometimes. When the siblings were communicating without words and it made Lance wonder if he was supposed to be picking something else up from the conversation.

“I wouldn’t blame you,” Matt finally said. He tapped Lance’s shoulder, startling the other boy from his thoughts.

“You wouldn’t blame me,” Lance repeated in a whisper.

“No. I wouldn’t.”

"Yeah, okay." Lance felt lighter. "Of course I will have her back. We look out for each other."

"Thanks."

"Thank you." Lance bounced on his heels, this was the best he'd felt in months.

"What for?"

"For trusting me even though I messed things up."

Matt laughed. And it threw Lance off how easily Matt laughed. Even after everything Matt had been through, he still laughed loudly and often.

"Older brothers mess up all the time, if anything, it just shows you really are part of her family."

Lance beamed.

They were all so far away from home, but somehow they had managed to scrape together a family. They were a small group and space was huge, but together, maybe they would be alright.

* * *

Pidge felt as though something inside her had shifted. She missed her brother, the second he was gone. But it was different from last time. As she hugged Matt before he stepped onto the ship that would take him away, she felt a sturdy resolve strengthening her. She had lost him and then, against a galaxy’s worth of odds, she had found him again. No matter what, she would find him over and over again. She believed that.

As Matt stepped away from her, he smiled.

“I’ll see you soon.”

Pidge nodded, blinked away the moisture in her eyes.

“See you soon,” she whispered. Not ‘good-bye.’ Not now, not ever.

Matt turned away and he left. He left her.

_Standing alone_ , she thought. As soon as the thought crossed her mind, a hand landed on her shoulder and she turned to see Lance. He grinned at her and gave her a slight shake.

"Want to go play games?"

"Yes." Pidge scrubbed at her eyes, dislodging her glasses. "I'll kick your ass."

Lance laughed.

"Bring it on."

* * *

The fighting was going to get worse. They wouldn’t be training so much anymore as they would be going over battle plans and strategies. Cooperating with their aligned forces across the galaxy, the war was taking over every aspect of their lives. Things were becoming more precarious by the day. The night before a big mission, they all sat down together to eat. Hunk had gone all out. Though nobody had said anything, it felt like it would be their last peaceful meal altogether for a while.

Though, they weren’t altogether actually. Keith’s usual chair sat vacant. And the space by Pidge's side that her brother had occupied, was cautiously taken over by Lance.

She sighed at the looks her teammates gave her. She had been eating bland snacks and small meals, but this would be the first time she was eating a large dinner since her brother left. It seemed ridiculous, but she worried that her ability to taste wouldn’t be there without Matt there to offer support. That was silly, right? She was recovered from her illness and she was feeling better. Sad, but better.

She eyed the alien spaghetti. Hunk slid a plate closer to her and she recognized Hunk’s space bread recipe topped with some strangely familiar smelling goop.

“I know it doesn’t look quite right, but Matt tried it before he left. He said it was almost a perfect match texture wise. And- and he told me to be sure you tried it.”

“You made peanut butter,” Pidge whispered. Hunk and Lance both nodded eagerly. Pidge stared, but did not move to take a bite. Lance softly tapped the table near her arm.

“Pidge,” Lance whispered, “the spaghetti sauce is like sad tomatoes.” Hunk made a noise of disapproval, but he stayed quiet. “And this,” Lance motioned to the bread, “it tastes like warmth. Like when we would go outside at the Garrison and we'd all be standing around, waiting for the sun to drop behind the mountains, so it would be cooler."

Pidge wasn’t expecting the tears that sprung up in her eyes, and she was shocked with how quickly they rolled down her cheeks. She hastily wiped them away.

Aware of the eyes on her, she forced her hand forward and plucked the bread from the plate. She hesitated for only a brief moment before she took a bite.

_Warmth_.

_Familiarity_.

_Home._

Taste filled her mouth.

She felt more tears falling and it was such a silly, small thing. To be this emotional over dinner. But then Lance was patting her back and Shiro was speaking quiet words of encouragement and comfort. All the sounds seemed to blur together, but then Lance’s voice was in her ear.

“Are you okay?”

Wiping away her tears, she nodded. Lance wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“You promise?”

She swallowed the food in her mouth.

“I promise.” She leaned, headbutting Lance’s shoulder softly. A gesture she usually reserved for her brother.

“Yeah,” she whispered. She felt Lance take a deep breath and let it go. Pidge smiled and took another bite.

“It’s really good, Hunk,” she finally managed through a full mouth. Hunk grinned broadly and wiped at his eyes. Relief and joy filled the room.

They really cared about her.

She smiled at them all, soaking in the joy and the love from her team, her family.

It reminded her of home.

Hunk pushed a jar of peanut butter towards her.

“You can have more.”

And she did.

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who joined me on this journey. I am so relieved I have finished it and I am excited to start on my next fic, which I hope to have the first chapter posted on or around the 28th. Thank you again to everyone who commented and supported me. Your words meant a lot to me.


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